So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
