She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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