Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
