New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
