Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
