I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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