the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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