hell yes lets make some ravioli
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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