Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
