hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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