i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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