Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize