Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
