the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
