I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
