Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
