I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
