My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone came in the potted fern
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
