It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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