I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
