Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You brought string cheese to the strip club
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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