I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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