my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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