I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
