Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
