Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize