She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
