Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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