ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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