It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
