Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
