Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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