its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
