I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
