Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize