Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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