hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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