if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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