Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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