I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
