So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
