she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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