I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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