Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
