OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
