Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
