i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
