oh god the rape fog is back!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
