Me too!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
