I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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