32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
