so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
