Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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