The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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