My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize