im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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