Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
