They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
