Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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