Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love having hate sex.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
