No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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