Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
