she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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