Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
do herpes really smell.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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