I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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