How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
