If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize