i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Alive.
So much puke
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
