In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
