is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
