Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
