My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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