I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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