I must be too annoying 4 u.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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