just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
