I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
