His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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