wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
