fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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