How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
