highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize