i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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