Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
