We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
