We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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