To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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