MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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