so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
