All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
