i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who died my cat blue again?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
