I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
