What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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