Porn is love you can see.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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