I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
50% drunk capacity currently
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
