I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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