I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
