i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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